Family:
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-Gerre-

Thoughts after Larkin's Funeral

Yesterday, I drove to Lorenzo/Idalou to attend the funeral service for my uncle, Larkin Dycus. Here are some thoughts associated with the trip:

• Not sure how long the Lubbock paper will leave the link active, but here is the online obituary for Uncle Bubba:
• Seeing "seldom-seen" family members was a blessing. Seeing the children of "seldom-seen" family members and matching them up with their children wasn't much of a problem. Matching up their children and their children was a chore.
• The order of the days' events was a good order. The graveside service was at 11:00 in Lorenzo. The 1:00 funeral service was in Idalou in the Church of Christ building. The noon meal was wonderful and provided an opportunity to visit around the tables.
• I was proud of my friends at Adams Funeral Home. Allan and Gail are truly good people and provide a professional service. They bring a new meaning to "extended family."
• The speakers at the funeral were good. Ministers Terry Groves and Bob Martin did well.
• While visiting with my family and especially during the service(s), I was reminded of how very thankful I am for my family. We are blessed with a long and strong Christian legacy. There is no way of telling (this side of Heaven, at least) how many lives have been touched for the better by good people like my uncle, Larkin Dycus. There's no way of telling (this side of Heaven) how many people are closer to Jesus because they knew the Jesus who lived inside Larkin T. Dycus.

I just returned from seeing Mother at the rehab facility on this Tuesday morning. She was doing therapy, so I didn't stay long. I think I entertained everyone in the room as I read Larkin's obituary (loudly!!) to Mother. I paused after reading the name of the Oklahoma county in which Larkin was born ("Pushmatahaw"). I asked, "Mother, did I pronounce that correctly?" She said, "Yes." and then pronounced it again. She asked about everyone. She remembers everyone including the names of children, where everyone lives, and lots more information I can't keep track of. I'm not sure what this means, but if she mentions a list of family members, she almost always mentions Jay Ed. If I don't mention Jay Ed, she does. Jay, you have made an impression on my mother that shines through the fog. Go figure. Sorry, Tomi, Tony, Sandra, Becky, Diane, and Drew!! She remembers you, but Jay's always first!!

She asked how Altha May was doing. She asked how Gene and Bug looked. Then, while she was thinking about Uncle Bubba, she said, "Now, who were his parents?"

I sure do love you-all.

Saturday Morning Thoughts, March 14, 2009

Some day, the entries in the Family Blog will serve as a kind of diary. Here are my random thoughts on this Saturday morning:

• Mother's traveled quite a bit lately. A few weeks ago (on a Friday), she fell. A helper saw her falling and helped soften the fall by going down with Mother. We thought the helper had saved us a trip to the hospital. Not so. Mother was in extreme pain. We went to the hospital (a 911 call will get you some pretty fast service and transportation). The emergency room did an Xray and a CAT scan. No broken bones.
• Back to Governor's Ridge. Miserable weekend.
• Monday morning, we checked into the hospital where they did an MRI and found new "compression fractures" in a vertebra. Stayed in the hospital for a very long week. A wonderful procedure during which some "cement-like" stuff is injected into the fractures prompted her release from the hospital.
• She is now in a nursing home/rehabilitation facility very near my house. She's not as disoriented now as she was when she first arrived in the new facility, but conversations with her still take a lot of effort on her part and on my part.
• I went to the nursing home yesterday afternoon (Friday, 3/13/2009) to let Mother know that her brother, Larkin Thomas Dycus ("Lark" or "Uncle Bubba") had died in Lubbock. I worried about how Mother would take this news and how much of it she would process. She managed the news very well. I was really proud of her. We prayed (both of us) for our family.
• She mused about where Larkin would be probably buried in the Lorenzo Cemetery and who would still be able to travel to the funeral service. One of her frequent questions is, "where are we now?" She doesn't know how far it is from Decatur to Lorenzo.
• She visited with Altha Mae and other family members on the phone. Mother did really well here, making empathetic comments, assurances of prayer, and sharing a Christian overview that shined like a beacon through her short memory fog.
• I left the nursing home thanking God for my family in general and my Mother in particular.

In Heaven, nobody asks, "where are we now." Absolutely everyone knows where they are and how they arrived there. It's all about Jesus.

Latest / Greatest Caleb photos

Click here to see the latest and greatest Caleb photos. We are blessed!!

"Mother" report

I'm thinking a report on Mother's recent travels might be informative to family and friends. I'll not try to be too specific on days and times because they (days/times) have kind of started running together.

Several days ago, Mother started losing ground on several fronts:

• She was disoriented. She would ask the same question several times. Sometimes it was a legitimate question like, "what's the name of the town where you're leading the music now?" Sometimes the question was off the wall. She wondered once, "Who is Grady Joiner?"
• She was anxious. She was pulling the little "help" string in her room up to 40 or 50 times a day. She would be wanting someone to watch her remove her socks. She wanted someone in her room with her. I came one day last week because of a frantic need. While I was there, Carol called. Carol knew of the "emergency" but didn't tell Mother she knew. When Carol asked, "How do you feel," Mother said, "I feel fine. I'm weak but I feel fine." I then asked her why she had scared me with the emergency call. She said, "I had to think of something bad so you'd come."
• She was very shaky/wobbly. When she tried to get to the bathroom, three people were needed to keep her from falling. Her muscles (arms/legs) were jerking very badly.

So...we talked to Mother's doctor, a good friend of mine, who suggested we put her in the hospital for a few days and see if we could moderate some of the medications, some of which are really powerful narcotics. The assisted living place transported her to the local hospital. We (Carol, Jo, and I) spent the nights with her for four nights and stayed with her all day/every day at the recommendation of her doctor. If Mother has a bad fall, lots of bad health issues could follow. She has improved enough so that now she knows she must have help to get to the bathroom. We're not worried that she will try it alone.

We returned to the assisted living place (Governor's Ridge) yesterday. I spent the night on her couch. This morning, I hired a lady to come to her room each morning, bathe her, dress her, help her with breakfast, and do some light cleaning in her room. We're hoping a few hours in the morning will be sufficient.

The doctor has done enough tests to know that Mother does not have Alzheimer's. He typefies her condition as "senility." In 96 years, I'm guessing nearly anyone would have most of these symptoms.

Senility Symptoms include: Stooped posture, wrinkled skin, decrease in muscle strength, changes in the lens and muscles of the eye, brittleness of bone and stiffness of the joints, and hardening of the arteries are among the physical changes associated with old age. The mental changes associated with senility include impairment of judgment, loss of memory, and sometimes childish behavior. The actual psychological changes are thought to be related to aging of the cortical brain cells. Whereas the physical changes associated with aging occur in all individuals to some extent, evidence of psychological degeneration is not universal. In common usage, the term senility is applied only to mental deterioration.

Mother's gentle spirit continues to amaze everyone who meets her. She is always thankful for whatever service or task is done for her. She calls everyone, "honey" and thanks them several times for everything. Her hearing and her vision are both pretty well gone.

So, that's the report. If it weren't for the promise of Heaven and home, we would be in sad condition. If it weren't for Jesus, there'd be no promise of Heaven and home.

By the way, nobody wobbles in Heaven.

Random Christmas Eve Morning Thoughts:

We Joiners have been running like crazy on most days leading up to Christmas (tomorrow). Here are some loosely-connected random thoughts regarding the season. I hope these thoughts will take the place of our usual Christmas email post.

• Julie (julie.hammer@cabcwaco.org) and Clint (chammer@stromaviation.com) will welcome Caleb Lee Hammer into the world some time in February. Julie continues to serve Columbus Avenue Baptist Church as Children's Minister. Clint's work at Strom Aviation continues to amaze me. The boss calls Clint with an urgent message to find 25 guys who can be at work in four days. Clint says, "No problemo." I'm proud of Clint and Julie. 
• Matt (mjoiner@wc.edu) has been promoted. He is now the Director of Decatur's Weatherford College (www.wc.edu) campus. Kelly (kdjoiner@gmail.com) continues to be the absolute best caregiver/nurse in the labor and delivery section of Denton's Regional Hospital. Trinity and Reagan are thriving! 
• If you're a Facebook junkie, check out Matt's page: 
• Julie's page is here:
• One of my good friends believes I'm having a "kid moment" because I, too, have a Facebook page. Guess so. Here it is:
• I'm not sure if you're required to "become friends" (sign up for Facebook) in order to see the pages, but it's worth a try. I've re-discovered a lot of old friends on Facebook. You might want to join!
• Mother continues to amaze us. She has lots of conditions, aches, pains, and fears associated with being 96 years old, but she keeps on going. I try to avoid arriving at Governor's Ridge mid morning when she's waking up. She wobbles and totters quite a bit as she greets the day. Scares me. She still loves to visit with friends and family members on the phone. If you're lucky, she'll hear the ring (940-627-1281) or see the strobe light blinding nearly anyone (not Mother...she's almost blind already) and answer the phone. If you're really lucky, we'll phone you on my cell phone (940-399-8863) and talk a while.
• Jo's teaching 1/2 a day at the high school...helping old friend Jason Sneed administer the high school choral program at DHS. She has several voice students.
• I (Gerre) have several voice students and continue to help in small ways at the funeral home. I am serving as interim music minister at Trinity Baptist Church in Lewisville.
• I'm preparing to teach an online Music Appreciation course this spring for Weatherford College. I've been feeling overwhelmed with the thoughts of managing this abstract classroom, but am starting to feel okay about the prospects.
• I've been having fun making simple movies with Picasa3. You may want to download it, find out how easily movies are made, and thank me later. You might want to send me your photos, let me make a movie for you (like the simple ones below), and pay me later.
• I have a short list of chores to take care of before Christmas guests arrive, so I'll scoot. I'm trusting the God Who made everything that was made to bless you with every good and perfect gift in 2009. He has a good plan for our lives. Looks like we might have some rough economic sailing in the near future. Reminds me of an old gospel song. Pardon the editing: "In times like these, we need a Savior. In times like these, we need an anchor. Be very sure. Be very sure your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock. This rock is Jesus. Yes, He's the One. This Rock is Jesus..the only One. I'm very sure. I'm very sure my anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock." 
• Jesus changed everything. 

Friday Evening Thoughts

Here's what I'm thinking about on this Friday evening:

• We live in a beautiful Decatur neighborhood. Yesterday, a bunch of nomads taped a flyer on our front door that said, "Don't be the only house in your neighborhood without Christmas lights." We're not the only ones in the "hood" without lights, but there aren't many. Jo couldn't take it. She and 4 year old grandbaby Trinity plugged in the lighted reindeer which I'd chunked out of the attic a few days ago and strung some rope lights to accent the sidewalk. They were proud of their work. I was busy in my office. I wasn't too interested. I'm still not too interested. Maybe now the nomads will leave us alone.
• Went to Mother's place today. She was still asleep at 9:00, so I turned on a lamp and started a crossword. She woke up 30 minutes after I arrived, we visited a minute, and she started shuffling arouind to start the day.  She wobbled and totterd until she finally got her legs under her so she could take a shower and start the day. I'm realizing every day how weak she and frail she is.
• Started thinking today of Robert Young in San Antonio. Bob is the son of my dad's sister. We haven't been good about staying in touch through the years. I phoned Bob this evening and had a great visit about his kids and their achievements. I got Bob's email address and look forward to re-connecting with this part of my family.
• I sang for a Christmas program earlier this week. Phoned the man who asked me to sing and asked, "Is it okay if I bring a date tonight?" He said, "Sure."  I took Trinity Grace Joiner, my grandbaby. She was a doll. I was so proud of her. I stood her up in a chair and sang, "The Christmas Song" to her for my last song. Good times. As we were driving back from the event, Trinity said, "Granddaddy, you forgot to sing 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.'" (We had sung it in the pickup on the way to the program.) I had chosen to "cut" Rudolph from my part of the program, and Trinity missed it a lot.  Soo.......I  made a recording (a bad one with a lot of "hiss") and put some pictures (Trinity, Reagan, Mother, etc.) to the music. Find it here.
• 
  
• 
  
• Getting late for us old people. It's 9:00 on a Friday night.  Hope all is wel where you are.

-gerre-

A movie for you. Mother is the star!

Click on the video and watch.

Here are the folks in the photos:

• Mother
• Carol
• Karen (Carol's oldest daughter)
• Jessica (Karen's oldest daughter)
• Owen Grady 
• Gerre and Jo
• Matt and Kelly
• Matt and Kelly's babies (Trinity and Reagan)

The singer's not too hot.

Should have thought about this earlier.

Mother's snail mail address is
300 East Devereau Street, #29, Decatur, TX 76234

If you need to send it to me (I'll need to read it for her), send it to
1492 Thousand Oaks Drive, Decatur, TX 76234

Random Thoughts Regarding Nellie Lee Joiner, Resident of Governor's Ridge in Decatur

Hello from Decatur. 

I thought I'd write a note and send a link to the family regarding Mother and the recent move from Burleson (Covenant Place assisted living place in which she's been living happily under the care of Carol) to Decatur (Governor's Ridge assisted living place in which she's been living for about a month). 

• The move went well. She's feeling pretty well, though weak most of the time.
• She doesn't hear well. It's almost impossible to have a conversation with her in a public place (her dining hall) without including everyone else in the conversation. She doesn't complain about not hearing well.
• She doesn't see well. A giant-sized television remote contol doesn't help her. It doesn't interest her much. She just can't see the buttons. Macular degeneration has taken a toll on her vision but not her attitude. She doesn't complain about not seeing well.
• I thought I could teach her to do a few things with a cell phone, making a "land line" unnecessary. Didn't work. I thought I could teach her to punch a button, wait a few seconds, say, "Gerre" or "Caroline," visit a while, then close the "flip phone" to end the conversation. Didn't work. Too complex.  
• She doesn't feel well most of the time. When she says, "I'm sick," we ask, "Where do you hurt?" She can't answer. She's just "sick." I think she means, "I'm weak."  
• Sometimes I go to her room and just take a nap with her. She likes that. She doesn't have to entertain me. I get a nap, and we spend time together. Good thing all around.
• The care team at Governor's Ridge (7 minutes from our house) is wonderful. The  director, Debbie, is a wonderful and caring Christian woman who has a very practical approach to providing services to the residents at Governor's Ridge.  Debbie's staff is happy to be of service to the residents. 
• Mother's attitude can sometimes be typefied as "needy." She seems a little edgy sometimes if I miss coming to see her every day. 
• We have a wonderful family doctor taking care of Mother. Dr. Kelley Tibbels has West Texas (Jayton, TX!) roots, is a good family friend, and is the "go-t0" doctor in the region.
• Her room is great. Bo and Carol put an attachment on Mother's phone in Burleson that made it impossible to not hear or see when the phone was ringing. There was a loud sound and a strobe light associated with every incoming phone call.  After a few days of the "cell phone experiment," we moved the strobe light/loud ring attachment to Decatur and she's in business with a "land line." Her phone number is  940-627-1281.
• I've discovered that the best medicine Mother receives is talking on the phone. Even on an "I'm sick" day, she rallies and interacts with family and friends for really good phone conversations. 
• Mother's schedule is much like a baby's schedule. She goes to bed early and sleeps late if not diisturbed. Her room is located very close to the Director's office and not far from the dining hall, to which she walks (walker) for her noon and evening meals. Breakfast is mostly optional for her because she likes to sleep late. 
• Most of Carol's Sunday afternoons were very predictable. She almost always came to Mother's place and used her cell phone minutes calling friends/relatives in West Texas and East Texas and all points in between so that Mother could talk. My schedule is less predictable. I was in Lewisville all day yesterday (Sunday) and didn't even get to see Mother, though Jo did and spent some Sunday afternoon time with her.
• Here's a "good day" scenario for Mother:  Us Decatur Joiners (Gerre/Jo, Matt/Kelly/Girls) had decided to try to go to Mother's place on a particular Saturday afternoon. Early that Saturday afternoon, I received a call from Kasi (Max/Patricia's daughter who recently moved to a city not far from Decatur). Kasi said she was thinking of traveling to see Mother. We all agreed to meet her there, along with her three beautiful kids. When Kasi arrived, we all met at Mother's place. Mother was giddy! We had fun watching Kasi's children and Matt's children playing on the grass in front of Governor's Ridge. Mother still talks about that afternoon. 

Got to run for now, but if you have any questions about how Mother's doing, call me on the cell (940-399-8863). 

-Gerre-

Nellis Lee's 95th Birthday Party!

Wow! We had a super time at Carol's house in Burleson celebrating Mother's 95th birthday. Click here to see the web album.

Here's Max

This is a picture of my brother, Max, with his award for being the Citizen of the Year in Lorenzo in 1996. It's not a very good picture. I place it on the Blog because of how exceptional it is. Of all the photos of my brother, this may be the only one of him posing with an award.

He could have been given an award for being a great deacon at a crucial time in the life of the small Baptist church in our little home town. He could have been given an award for being the kind of brother who came to my rescue so many times (including the time when a tornado devastated my house in Wichita Falls). He could have been given an award for teaming with Patricia and raising our brother's two remaining children after an automobile accident took the lives of their parents and their brother in 1966. He could have been given an award for the exceptional grace with which he transitioned from full-time farmer to full-time banker. He could have been "awarded" for teaming with Patricia (again) and taking care of our ailing/aging mother. His service to his community through the Lions Club, the Gin, and the Grain Co-Op were pretty well recognized, I suppose, but I don't remember a photo of Max with the awards.

Max died in 1997. I still tell stories about him at the coffee shop and I miss him. I see men in everyday life who remind me of Max..and I miss him. I remember the things he taught me (how to drive and other important life skills) and I miss him.

I don't spend a lot of time being melancholy about Max not being here now. He's enjoying Heaven if I understand the Bible at all.

I can close my eyes and get a little picture in my mind of what he's doing right now. It's a picture of Max in Heaven in the presence of Jesus Christ.

That's the other picture of Max posing with an award.