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Thoughts after Larkin's Funeral

Yesterday, I drove to Lorenzo/Idalou to attend the funeral service for my uncle, Larkin Dycus. Here are some thoughts associated with the trip:

• Not sure how long the Lubbock paper will leave the link active, but here is the online obituary for Uncle Bubba:
• Seeing "seldom-seen" family members was a blessing. Seeing the children of "seldom-seen" family members and matching them up with their children wasn't much of a problem. Matching up their children and their children was a chore.
• The order of the days' events was a good order. The graveside service was at 11:00 in Lorenzo. The 1:00 funeral service was in Idalou in the Church of Christ building. The noon meal was wonderful and provided an opportunity to visit around the tables.
• I was proud of my friends at Adams Funeral Home. Allan and Gail are truly good people and provide a professional service. They bring a new meaning to "extended family."
• The speakers at the funeral were good. Ministers Terry Groves and Bob Martin did well.
• While visiting with my family and especially during the service(s), I was reminded of how very thankful I am for my family. We are blessed with a long and strong Christian legacy. There is no way of telling (this side of Heaven, at least) how many lives have been touched for the better by good people like my uncle, Larkin Dycus. There's no way of telling (this side of Heaven) how many people are closer to Jesus because they knew the Jesus who lived inside Larkin T. Dycus.

I just returned from seeing Mother at the rehab facility on this Tuesday morning. She was doing therapy, so I didn't stay long. I think I entertained everyone in the room as I read Larkin's obituary (loudly!!) to Mother. I paused after reading the name of the Oklahoma county in which Larkin was born ("Pushmatahaw"). I asked, "Mother, did I pronounce that correctly?" She said, "Yes." and then pronounced it again. She asked about everyone. She remembers everyone including the names of children, where everyone lives, and lots more information I can't keep track of. I'm not sure what this means, but if she mentions a list of family members, she almost always mentions Jay Ed. If I don't mention Jay Ed, she does. Jay, you have made an impression on my mother that shines through the fog. Go figure. Sorry, Tomi, Tony, Sandra, Becky, Diane, and Drew!! She remembers you, but Jay's always first!!

She asked how Altha May was doing. She asked how Gene and Bug looked. Then, while she was thinking about Uncle Bubba, she said, "Now, who were his parents?"

I sure do love you-all.

Saturday Morning Thoughts, March 14, 2009

Some day, the entries in the Family Blog will serve as a kind of diary. Here are my random thoughts on this Saturday morning:

• Mother's traveled quite a bit lately. A few weeks ago (on a Friday), she fell. A helper saw her falling and helped soften the fall by going down with Mother. We thought the helper had saved us a trip to the hospital. Not so. Mother was in extreme pain. We went to the hospital (a 911 call will get you some pretty fast service and transportation). The emergency room did an Xray and a CAT scan. No broken bones.
• Back to Governor's Ridge. Miserable weekend.
• Monday morning, we checked into the hospital where they did an MRI and found new "compression fractures" in a vertebra. Stayed in the hospital for a very long week. A wonderful procedure during which some "cement-like" stuff is injected into the fractures prompted her release from the hospital.
• She is now in a nursing home/rehabilitation facility very near my house. She's not as disoriented now as she was when she first arrived in the new facility, but conversations with her still take a lot of effort on her part and on my part.
• I went to the nursing home yesterday afternoon (Friday, 3/13/2009) to let Mother know that her brother, Larkin Thomas Dycus ("Lark" or "Uncle Bubba") had died in Lubbock. I worried about how Mother would take this news and how much of it she would process. She managed the news very well. I was really proud of her. We prayed (both of us) for our family.
• She mused about where Larkin would be probably buried in the Lorenzo Cemetery and who would still be able to travel to the funeral service. One of her frequent questions is, "where are we now?" She doesn't know how far it is from Decatur to Lorenzo.
• She visited with Altha Mae and other family members on the phone. Mother did really well here, making empathetic comments, assurances of prayer, and sharing a Christian overview that shined like a beacon through her short memory fog.
• I left the nursing home thanking God for my family in general and my Mother in particular.

In Heaven, nobody asks, "where are we now." Absolutely everyone knows where they are and how they arrived there. It's all about Jesus.

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"Mother" report

I'm thinking a report on Mother's recent travels might be informative to family and friends. I'll not try to be too specific on days and times because they (days/times) have kind of started running together.

Several days ago, Mother started losing ground on several fronts:

• She was disoriented. She would ask the same question several times. Sometimes it was a legitimate question like, "what's the name of the town where you're leading the music now?" Sometimes the question was off the wall. She wondered once, "Who is Grady Joiner?"
• She was anxious. She was pulling the little "help" string in her room up to 40 or 50 times a day. She would be wanting someone to watch her remove her socks. She wanted someone in her room with her. I came one day last week because of a frantic need. While I was there, Carol called. Carol knew of the "emergency" but didn't tell Mother she knew. When Carol asked, "How do you feel," Mother said, "I feel fine. I'm weak but I feel fine." I then asked her why she had scared me with the emergency call. She said, "I had to think of something bad so you'd come."
• She was very shaky/wobbly. When she tried to get to the bathroom, three people were needed to keep her from falling. Her muscles (arms/legs) were jerking very badly.

So...we talked to Mother's doctor, a good friend of mine, who suggested we put her in the hospital for a few days and see if we could moderate some of the medications, some of which are really powerful narcotics. The assisted living place transported her to the local hospital. We (Carol, Jo, and I) spent the nights with her for four nights and stayed with her all day/every day at the recommendation of her doctor. If Mother has a bad fall, lots of bad health issues could follow. She has improved enough so that now she knows she must have help to get to the bathroom. We're not worried that she will try it alone.

We returned to the assisted living place (Governor's Ridge) yesterday. I spent the night on her couch. This morning, I hired a lady to come to her room each morning, bathe her, dress her, help her with breakfast, and do some light cleaning in her room. We're hoping a few hours in the morning will be sufficient.

The doctor has done enough tests to know that Mother does not have Alzheimer's. He typefies her condition as "senility." In 96 years, I'm guessing nearly anyone would have most of these symptoms.

Senility Symptoms include: Stooped posture, wrinkled skin, decrease in muscle strength, changes in the lens and muscles of the eye, brittleness of bone and stiffness of the joints, and hardening of the arteries are among the physical changes associated with old age. The mental changes associated with senility include impairment of judgment, loss of memory, and sometimes childish behavior. The actual psychological changes are thought to be related to aging of the cortical brain cells. Whereas the physical changes associated with aging occur in all individuals to some extent, evidence of psychological degeneration is not universal. In common usage, the term senility is applied only to mental deterioration.

Mother's gentle spirit continues to amaze everyone who meets her. She is always thankful for whatever service or task is done for her. She calls everyone, "honey" and thanks them several times for everything. Her hearing and her vision are both pretty well gone.

So, that's the report. If it weren't for the promise of Heaven and home, we would be in sad condition. If it weren't for Jesus, there'd be no promise of Heaven and home.

By the way, nobody wobbles in Heaven.